posted April 28, 2003 08:01 PM            

Well, Good Evening, Papabear here!

I will spare you the details of my trip to Capistrano. If anybody is really interested, you can read the notes for the last CoachHouse show. The trip was exactly the same, and we stayed in the same hotel. 250 miles was short compared to some other fan's journeys!

We did arrive at the CoachHouse at around 6:15, and were promptly seated. Pretty good seats, on the main aisle, left of center. Right in line with the new restrooms! Several others are already seated, and ready for dinner. The waitress brings their entree before the salad, and they complain. The waitress blows them off. This is a bad sign. The waitress then hands drinks to the closest person and tells her to "pass it down". I can see where this is going.

So now it's our turn for abuse. The waitress takes our drink order, Corona, Coffee, Scotch - straight up - and a water-back. As Mamabear is driving, she only gets the one drink, and early. Our waitress returns with a Corona, a Scotch, a tiny $4 bottle of water, a Coffee, and some white liquid - although she's unable to tell us if it's cream, milk, half and half, non-dairy creamer, or possibly something else. As mamabear is hypoglycemic (diabetes in reverse), sugar is bad, bad, bad. Our rather plucky waitress seems annoyed that we would like to know what we're being served, and makes it her mission to cause us to ask her 3 seperate times over the next half hour. The conclusion was half and half.

In my experience, restaurants usually have menus. Although we were never presented with menus (apparently, they were on the other end of the table) out waitress expected us to know just what we wanted for dinner, and seemed rather annoyed that she had to find us a menu, and wait for us to decide. It took all of about 18 seconds to give her the order, but her time is incredibly valuable. Being good bears, we both have the steak, although I have rice instead of potato - I love causing trouble!

Somebody else brought out the food. He was pleasant enough as he barked "Who's got the rice?" The dinner was fine, nobody had the lasagna, hence, nobody got sick. Our plucky waitress comes back and we order another Corona and a coffee. If I had only known that the designated driver would be paying $2 per cup of joe, and $4 for barely a swallow of water... Actually, had I known, I wouldn't have minded when our waitress didn't bring the coffee. Again.

After we finish eating, I rest my arms in the salad dressing smeared all over the table. You see, I didn't notice that the bottom of the plate was full of sald dressing. Oh, up to half my kingdom for a napkin. That's right - no extra napkins. Really, at $16 for a New York Steak, and $7 for a shot, and $4 for a water, and $2 for a coffee, you might think that the club could spring for a napkin. Just a little cheap dispenser on the table, come on!

So I sally forth, to the newly remodeled restrooms! What a treat, as compared to the old "facilities". There is room for four urinals, and although there are only three hanging from the walls, there are also several stalls. Whoa! - big improvement. There are even several sinks. So I wash my hands (and arms) and guess what!?! Of course, NO PAPER! I head back to my seat, wiping my hands on my butt.

At this point I need to apologize to everybody that I spoke with Saturday evening. Last week, I had a bit of a cold and an ear infection. Most of the previous week, I hadn't been able to hear anything. My hearing was much better until the trip over the mountain into San Diego. My ears popped all the way up the mountain, and stayed there. My hearing wasn't at it's best Saturday night. I had the pleasure of meeting Evan from New York, but couldn't hear most of what he said.

So far I've mentioned only mamabear and me. That is because Krysta is always "fashionably late". Well, Krysta and Kate arrive "fashionably late". They need to eat, and man does that miff our waitress! Krysta and Kate finish their dinner and it's just about time for the first act - Lizzie West - to take the stage. Which also means that it's shot time. Krysta tracks down our waitress and places the order. 3 shots of Petron, a Corona, and a coffee. Who wants to bet on the outcome? Who is willing to believe that we'll actually get 3 shots of Petron, a Corona, and a coffee? Well, I hoped for the best, but was disappointed. 3 shots of Petron, no coffee, no Corona. I ask for a Corona, and am informed that I should have ordered it with the shots. You do see where this is going, right?

The girls and I take our shots, and I get my Corona, and then Lizzie West takes the stage. Now I have promised not to talk about the opening bands, but...but...but...I will.

Lizzie West was an interesting experience. She looked stoned. Way stoned. And had a shrill voice that could remove paint. But I liked the songs fine. Lizzie was evidently just signed to Warner Bros. I think that she was a single, and the label decided that she needed a band. Probably whatever session musicians were hanging around the studio got sent on tour. You've heard of "tight" bands? This wasn't it. Amazing that LW gets a major label contract and Berlin can't. Maybe Ms. West will also find herself destitite due to "interesting clauses in her contract".

I've sat thru that and now it's time for another round. Krysta places the order and of course, something is missing. If I wasn't in such a good mood, I would really cause a stir about a plucky waitress debating the drink order with my guests.

Darvoset then takes the stage. Kristine looks great. I think that she's lost some weight, and has grown her hair out, and now it's all spiked up. Really cool. And there's Jay, with the purple spikes that could very possibly hurt somebody. And four keyboards? And our little buddy Mark. Definitely our pleasure to speak with Mark after the show, even if I did sneak out without buying a cd! Evidently they got rid of the guy with no fashion sense, as the tuxedo was gone. Anyway, a great set, and I hope to see Darvoset again.

Another trip to the newly remodeled restrooms and lo! - there is paper! Will miracles never cease?!? Things are looking up! If there's paper in the john, maybe the waitress will get the drink order right! I knew it was just too much to ask for. Sigh....

Downtown Popular. hmmm... As far as I can tell, they are neither downtown, nor popular. Featuring a sweat-soaked, string bean singer, with a foul mouth, in faded bell bottoms and a thread-bare t-shirt. Of course, he looked nothing like the rest of the band. I didn't much care for his voice, the lyrics, or his presence. The band was fine, however. But like Simon says - "who cares. It just wasnt' good enough". I find myself looking around (for my waitress) and I take in the sea of faces, waiting patiently, looking around, sitting still, just waiting through this experience (this too will pass), and waiting for Berlin.

After a brief pause in the festivities, Berlin takes the stage. As the set list has been posted, I won't try to re-do that here. (This time!) The Metro opens the show, and I get my last drink. (Little did I realize at the time) I like the Metro, it's a cool song, I can usually recite the words. And I'm glad that Paul K get's a little extra attention. There's Evan over there, and Terri walks right out on his table! And although I'm dry (as in no drink), I'm very happy for Evan. I keep seeing the waitress for the next table bringing drinks, but I can't find my waitress. I'm a big fan of what has come to be called "the masturbation section" of the show. The stools come out, Dallan grabs Linda's 12 string, Mitchell grabs a guitar, and we all become, well, Pleasure Victims!

After 45 minutes, the show is winding down. I really enjoy the "I Feel Love" version of "Sex, I'm a..." Then the house lights start to come up and the band leaves the stage. You know, I've seen the other waitress make 3 or 4 rounds, but I still haven't seen our waitress. I realize that the music is the drug, but I do enjoy a couple of cocktails DURING the show. Damn, I hate to be thirsty during the set. Berlin then returns for the encore. Big Time.

The band is done, and the lights are up and people are filing out of the club. Not our table. We're still waiting the the waitress to come back. Not with drinks, we've given up on that. We're waiting for the check. If there is a bright side to this, I'm guessing that my tab was probably 40% lower than it usually is. HEY MANAGEMENT - ARE YOU LISTENING?? I HAD A BAD WAITRESS AND YOU LOST 40% OF YOUR POTENTIAL SALES!!! So as I look over the check, I discover the $7 scotch, the $2 coffee, and the $4 water for the designated driver. I'm not easily impressed.

I'm constantly embarrassed when I go out with my grandparents or my uncle. They hate to tip. They usually don't. My grandmother has an excuse. She's on Social Security, no other income, and a night out on the town is a trip to In-N-Out. She came up through the depression, grew up in mining town, and never had two nickels to rub together. She's got a good reason to dislike gratuities. California waitresses make far more money than she ever made. Her highest paying job was under $7/hour. I understand my granny. Now my uncle - that's a different story. He just doesn't like to tip. A tip is a gratuity, and extra, a thank-you for exemplary service. My uncle rarely finds this level of service, and his tipping habits bear this out.

However, I understand the job of waitressing. I've never done the job, but both of Mamabear's daughters have been waitresses. Kate (our other guest) is a waitress. In Arizona, waitresses are guaranteed $2/hour. Sucks, huh!?! I look for any reason to be generous with waitresses. If I'm not kind to a waitress, I really hear about it! After discussing the situation with Kate, Krysta, and Mamabear, they agree that I was extremely kind to leave a gratuity of approximately 5%. Don't think me a schmuck, that was generous for the level of service we received. (I hope UnixShack had a better experience)

After most of the people filed out, Evan and I were waiting for Terri to come downstairs. It was at this time that my waitress found me again. Awww, she didn't like her gratuity. Well, I wasn't terribly grateful. A reasonable person (probably wouldn't have, but) may have approached the guest and asked to speak with them. The waitress could have asked about my displeasure and learned from the experience. Our waitress chose to snipe at me about how unhappy she was with the tip. I agreed that I was unhappy with the service. "WELL YOU DRANK UP $300 WORTH, I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT!" Thank you, have a nice evening. And then Papabear was glared at from behind the bar for the rest of the evening. Yes, CoachHouse staff, attempt to embarass the customer into a larger gratuity! - yes, that will go over real well. Like I stated earlier, a decent waitress would have seen a $400 tab. Oh, well.

Waiting in line to see Terri, I had all these great things I wanted to tell her. What I love in the new album. The parts of the live show that I especially enjoy. How I wish her the best and anything she wants. And I go over these thoughts, over and over in my head. Now I'm a businessman, and I don't intimidate easily. I usually do the intimidating. Just ask mambear - she's seen me! I don't like public speaking, but I'll go talk to anybody - a company president, a ceo, any client or potential client - it doesn't phase me. So I'm in line for Terri. A little petite blonde girl with a big voice and spirit. And I totally fall apart. I barely get out "Hi, Terri". I remember saying something about liking "I Feel Love" and the "ass-pointing" in "Big Time". And I know exactly how she felt when she met Michael Hutchence. I'm such a doofus.

But Terri gave me a nice hug, and I'm much better now.

ps. Great to meet Evan from New York (with the celebrity auction bra). It's always my pleasure to visit with Tony, Scotto, Kimo (thanks for the Girl Scout cookies!), Paul, Ron, and Tom. Martin - sorry to hear about your situation - hope all gets better! And Rob - thanks for the DVD