The DaVinci Code
So last Sunday, Mr Oscar (me) decides that I can no longer put off commemorating that long ago day when Oscar said “I do”.
How does one celebrate a day like this? Well, we start off with a nice trip to the smallest room in the house. After a bit of light reading and showering, I dress up in my best haberdash that still fits – and more importantly can be found in this de-construction.
After herding the ‘car’s into the luvmobile, we head down the dirt lane to the spiffy new mall. As a guy, I desperately avoid such places, although they do have a Chili’s and Olive Garden. You know, when you’re there you’re family.
After finding a car spot right in front of Chili’s, the Mrs decides that we’re going to the steak and sushi place, and like a good, dutiful husband, attending to his wife’s every desire, of course we go.
Benihana this ain’t. Although the door is open, the joint seems closed as it is as empty as my wallet. Fortunately, before I could leave, our host appeared from around the corner and showed us to our table. She’ll have water and I’ll have Coke. Yes, Pepsi is OK. At least he asked.
After looking over the menu, things have gone from bad to not much different and I settle on the Mix Tempura – veggies and shrimp. The soda and water came, and the benefit of a brand-new restaurant is that they have new soda machines, freshly calibrated by the delivery guy. So the beverage was just dandy. Then came the soup. I guess that’s what it was. Hot water, seaweed, and tofu. Not seeing any spoons, I grab the bowl and drink the soup the way I usually drink soup – with or without spoon. The entrée then came, and I was not at all disappointed, but not pleased, either. Then the bill came, and that wasn’t too bad. I didn’t complain one bit, after all, it’s Mrs Oscar’s special day.
On that special day note, we saunter down to the new theatres. Oh! The choices. RV. Over the Hedge. Four other pictures I hadn’t thought about and now can’t remember. And three theatres for The DaVinci Code. Well, it’s about 2 minutes till the next showtime, so the Mrs prods me over to the box. Yes, I’m very compliant when confronted with a prod. “One Senior and one adult for DaVinci, please.”. And my wallet was lightened by $11. Aren’t matinees and senior discounts wonderful?
Once inside, I’m able to breeze right past the snack bar. Whew, that saved me $20. Into the empty theatre, up the stairs, and right out to the middle. Settle my butt into the reclining seat, put down the arm rest/cupholder, wiggle my butt some more, and I’m set for the trailers. “Cars” looked like the best thing coming up. Another 9/11 disaster – don’t get me started.
Once the trailers are out of the way, time for the main event. At home, we have DirecTV, and although we have many, many channels, I only watch about six of them. A&E, Bio, Discovery – those, you know, right? Now anybody who has seen any of these channels at all in the past three years has had their fill of DaVinci and his code. We know all about the factual history, lore, rumor, innuendo and gossip of Christ, Mary, the Apostles, the Church, the Maravingians, the Templar, the Rose Line, and Opus Dei. So, I figure, what does this movie have to offer to one who has not read the book?
Well, the movie has Tom Hanks. He can be a really good actor. Bosom Buddies aside. He was great in Apollo 13. and Big. And it’s directed by little Ronnie Cunningham – er Howard. Great work on Apollo 13. and Cocoon. And it’s got Ian McClellan. He’s good. And a pretty French chick with a cute accent.
I did mention that I haven’t read the book, right? But I have seen ALL the shows on television. Which really was fortunate, as there was A LOT going on in the movie. I may have been very lost had I not known about all the background stuff. Everything was explained, eventually, but it was nice to be able to follow the plot. Plot? Sure, it’s just a treasure movie, isn’t it? Well, maybe. Or is it a love story? Not really. An action adventure? Well it kept me awake. Or maybe that was the hot French chick.
For the benefit of those who haven’t read the book or seen the movie or don’t care to:
Tom Hanks plays an academic – a professor who specializes in ancient symbols. Symbols, we learn, vary in meaning throughout time and by culture. The good professor is by no means Dr. Indiana Jones, but he knows his stuff none the less. On the other side of town, at the Louvre, a curator is being shot by an unknown albino assailant. Left for dead, the curator leaves symbolic clues about his body. The French authorities, led by Special Agent Sophie Nuveau (hot French chick), are unable to decipher the clues - but are able to find an American to help them. Enter the good professor.
The dead guy with the big bloody pentagram painted in blood onto his naked body (which nobody seems to find unusual) is assumed (by the French) to be a devil worshipper. Our hero notices that the investigating officer is wearing a lapel pin symbolizing Opus Dei, a conservative group within, but separate of, the Catholic Church. Instantly the professor realizes that the pentagram symbolizes not devil worship, but refers instead to a legendary order, the protectors of the Holy Grail. Seeing the potential for conflict between orders, the Ugly American keeps the full truth from the French authorities, but shares his ideas with Ms Sophie (hot French chick) Nuveau.
For reasons not entirely clear (at this point in the production) the French coppers operate on the assumption that the professor is the killer. When shown a photograph of the crime scene, the professor immediately recognizes the location of the murder, a detail presumed to be known only to the assailant. In another fine example of French crime fighting, the professor points out the word-famous parquet floor, only found at the Louvre, in the background.
Once finally convinced of the plot against him, the good professor retires to the cloak room to think things through. Lucky for him, Ms Sophie (hot French chick) Nuvueau is waiting for him. The specialist (this is what the French call the intelligent) finds a tracking device that has been planted on the professor. She then buys them some time by throwing the device out the window, into a passing vehicle. Of course, the Keystone Cops, with sophisticated tracking equipment, suppose that their suspects have eluded them, and vacate the building in a chase around France.
Now that the professor has recovered from the shock of seeing a naked Frenchman, he sallies forth with Ms Sophie (hot French chick) Nuveau into the main museums of the Louvre. Clues left on the the corpse have led them to artwork by DaVinci, including the Mona Lisa. Symbols found at one painting lead to another, to another, and finally out of the Louvre into the real world – just in time, too, as the coppers, having found the tracking device, realize that they were duped.
As the professor examines these clues, he comes to believe the various legends of the Holy Grail, the Priory of Scion, the Knights Templar, and Opus Dei. In a nutshell, clues confirm that Jesus Christ was married to Mary Magdalene, and that Mary was pregnant with Christ’s child. After the Crucifixion, Mary’s descendants and genealogy were protected by the Priory of Scion, and specifically, the Knights Templar. The information was suppressed by the Catholic Church and all proof, descendants and genealogy alike, was terminated with extreme prejudice, by Opus Dei.
Finally, we find the good professor and Ms Sophie (hot French chick) Noveau at a remote Scottish chapel. Under the chapel, in a hidden vault, are the genealogy of the descendants of Christ. Apparently, the dead curator had been a leader of the group assigned to protect the offspring of Mary, and lo! – that turns out to be Ms Sophie (hot French chick) Nuveau. No slouch himself, the professor gets to be a Knight Templar.
Possibly sketchy on historical fact, but good fun none the less. Well worth my $11.